I admit it, I love him!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I admit it, I love him!
In the past year, I have begun to admit that I love my Dad. I have seen him only twice in the last ten years. Both of those times were due to the strong encouragement of husband John. My half brothers, who stay in closer contact with Dad, have let me know that the time came to move him to a nursing home. I finally tell them, “Please let me know if his health is such that I should come visit if I want to see him alive one more time.” I even sent him a birthday card in October!

Then Christmas comes. One of my brothers calls to ask, “Are we going to see you?” John took the question as a sign and before I could resist we were on our way to Evansville. All the way down there I practiced saying, “Do you realize, you Raggedy Ass Son-of-a-Bitch, that I have always loved you.” John encourages me to shorten it.

In spite of the fact that Dad was told, “Comb your hair, Brenda’s coming.” He just held the comb somewhere near his head. His disheveled stark white hair mirrored my intentionally spiked white hair. Veritable twins. We laughed.

He weighs one hundred twenty seven pounds now. He is bent over, slow and fragile but his electric blue eyes still occasionally twinkle and disarm you with their intensity.  Sorting through pictures, telling stories of family members and sharing some hugs, fills the two hour visit.

As we prepare to leave John nudges me with, “Don’t you need to say something else to your Dad, Bren?” I move back toward his bed, wrap his skin and bones body in my arms and say, “I love you, Dad.”

“I know, hon.”

John rises to the full extent of six feet, five inch big Norwegian frame and joins us at bedside, “Clarence, don’t you want to say ‘I love you’ to Brenda?”

“She knows.” Dad resists.

“Yes,” John pushes, “But sometimes we just need to hear the words out loud.”

“I love you, hon.”

I heard it with my own ears.

updated: 6 years ago


bpetersonWednesday, April 20th 2011 9:39AM

Thanks, Peggy (both Peggys!), as you can imagine that visit added a section to my memoir.

Peggy PayneTuesday, April 19th 2011 9:59PM

Wonderful, Brenda!

Peggy WolfThursday, January 13th 2011 9:08AM

Bren, thank you for sharing this priceless beautifully written emotional experience.