Response to "This is Not the Story You Think it is---"

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Response to This is Not the Story You Think it is---
Laura Munson's recent memoir, "This is the Not the Story You Think it is---" rests on the premise that when her husband decided to end their marriage because he didn't love her anymore, she chose happiness and chose to tell him, "I don't buy it." It seemed to work for her in that the marriage was saved. My response is that what Laura did is the basic philosophy of Alnon Family Groups (the organization for family members of AA). Each of us is compelled to fall back on the only thing we can control---ourselves and our own feelings.

Laura says she chose happiness. And she did! But I think the book misses the opportunity to state the obvious---she chose to control the only thing in her control. The implication throughout the book is that by choosing happiness she was successfully manipulating her husband's behavoir. Maybe--maybe not. And I also question whether by framing the choice in this way if Laura would have been ok with the end result had her husband still ended the marriage.

Bottom line: the only thing you control is yourself. Even my choosing happiness, you aren't controlling or manipulating others.

updated: 6 years ago

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Laura MunsonFriday, July 23rd 2010 2:45AM

Thank you for reading my book. I can honestly say that even if my husband and I had split for whatever reason, I would still consider that time in my life a success because it is so powerful to be responsible for your own happiness. It wasn't a strategy to stay married, it was a philosophy to commit to my own well-being. Yrs, Laura

Thank you for responding, Laura. And I'm so pleased with your take on that time in your life. Sounds like you really accept responsibility for your own happiness without expecting it to manipulate your husband's behavior! And hallelujah, he chose to take responsibility for his feelings too and it saved your marriage!

SharonTuesday, July 20th 2010 1:58PM

I am not not sure Munson thought she was manipulating her husband's behavior, but rather just trying to help him get through the moment. Had it turned out that he left her, she wouldn't have harsh words she regretted saying or actions she wished she had not taken. She refused to let what she could not control, control her.

Maybe, Sharon, she was not very conscious of trying to manipulate him with her attitude but that was the ultimate result. Fortunately, for her it turned out well. And I certainly agree that she was refusing to let circumstances beyond her control, control her.

Thanks for the comment!